This is what full recovery from emetophobia looks like.

When most people think about recovering from emetophobia, they picture a light-bulb moment where suddenly everything shifts and the fear is just gone. I think the idea that recovery is perceived as a single, obvious before and after is one of the reasons so many people feel it just isn’t possible for them to achieve.

What I have realised is that the way it really happens feels much better than that. When the change comes gradually, through small, quiet shifts that build on each other, you get to experience every single one of them. You get to notice the moment you book a holiday without that familiar dread tapping on your shoulder. You get to feel what it’s like to order something new off a menu without thinking about your safe foods. It makes it special, because each of those moments is yours. It is evidence that your own hard work is actually paying off and accumulating in the background until one day you look back and see how far you have come.

I remember the feeling in the lead up to a holiday, a kind of dread that I couldn’t really explain to anyone around me (emetophobes if you know, you know). I had decided that because I had never got food poisoning whilst being away, the chances were building up each time and that this trip, statistically, was going to be the one where I actually got ill. I was going to have to eat food cooked by other people, in kitchens I couldn’t see, for over two weeks. So rather than feeling excited, I just felt this heavy, exhausting anxiety sitting on my chest before the plane had even taken off. Unfortunately, that is the reality of emetophobia. It steals something that should feel fun and turns it into a constant battle with your thoughts.

So, when I talk about full recovery, I want to make it clear where I’m talking about it from. Not from a place of having had a mild dislike of vomit, or it gradually fading away on its own, but from genuinely having been in the grip of overwhelming fear, and now being completely out the other side.

The way I knew things were better was through all the little things that kept piling up when I’d least expect: the first time I got to the end of an ordinary Tuesday and realised I had not thought about being sick once. It felt strange, and wonderful that after years of it running as background noise from the moment I woke up, it just wasn’t there. Or, when I was sitting at a restaurant table in a new city, looking at a menu full of foods I would have previously avoided, and just ordering something that I really wanted to try. There was no mental checklist or internal catastrophising, I just ordered my food and enjoyed every second. This was when it started to dawn on me that I really was beating my fear.

Is full recovery really possible?

I feel strongly about this, because I had spent a long time believing the answer was no. I had absorbed this idea from things I had seen online and from years of trying things that didn’t work, that the best I could hope for was to get better at learning to manage my phobia forever. I thought I just had to keep biting the bullet and push through things that frightened me.

This sense of hopelessness and feeling trapped continued for a while, I began to just accept that this was how things had to be.

But, full, complete freedom is so possible, because I am living it, along with thousands of others! This didn’t happen by chance, or without effort, but through understanding and unpicking the beliefs and thinking that were feeding my fear. For me, that work happened through The Thrive Programme, and it’s the same work I do now with my clients. I see it happening for them too, in the everyday things that start to feel lighter, where they see their efforts come to life.

What freedom looks like day to day.

Beating emetophobia does not mean never having a negative passing thought, or floating through life completely unaffected by anxiety. It means that thoughts don’t linger and rearrange your whole day, they don’t sit at the back of your head, wanting to be listened to. It means that you are able to choose how you want your days to look, whether it is waking up without your first thought being about sick, or going out for dinner without counting the hours afterwards waiting till you feel unwell. You get to actually appreciate what life is about. Freedom is definitely not the absence of all anxiety and problems, it’s feeling resilient and free, without your fear running the show!

So how did I get there?

Getting to where I am now had nothing to do with finding better ways to cope or forcing myself into situations that I found really scary. I had to delve into my thinking patterns and beliefs, and get right to the root cause of what was going on. The time spent undoing your old habits is really rewarding. You are able to notice yourself changing, feeling the difference. There is something so exciting about knowing that you are on the path out of this, and actually experiencing it in real time as it is happening.

You are not stuck with emetophobia, and I really, truly mean that. If you ever want to chat about starting your journey, I am always here.